Friday, April 13, 2012

MICHAEL!!

Friday Fictioneers

Picture Prompt and the story.

Please go to Madison Woods site (she is the hostess of this Flash Fiction exercise) to read her story and the stories others have written.  http://madisonwoods.wordpress.com/flash-fiction/expectations/

Hope you enjoy!!


“I don’t see him anywhere!”
“I thought you were watching him!  Damn it, why weren’t you watching him!  He’s only four!  You never take your eyes off of a four year old!!  Damn it!”
“He was here just a minute ago.”
“I swear!  If someone has kidnapped him!  So help me God!”
“Honey, please...he is here somewhere!  MICHAEL!  MICHAEL!  WHERE ARE YOU!?!”
“Maybe he went in there.  Did you look in there?”
“No!” (Running towards the tunnel by the park benches) “Michael?  Are you in here?  Michael?”
“Is he in there!?!”
“OH MY GOD!!!  CALL 911!!  HURRY!!!  CALL 911 NOW!!!  Baby, can you hear me!?!"


Please comment with your thoughts.

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Thanks for reading and please comment on this story..I want to know 'Whatcha Think'.


UPDATE - I have been working on 'the rest of the story' and have decided it will be included in So, Whatcha Think!

Brooke


41 comments:

  1. Being a parent I can empathize strongly with the gut-wrenching terror you portrayed so well in such a short space. Bravo!

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  2. The greatest fear of every parent. Did the monster in mine eat him?

    Here's mine:http://teschoenborn.com/2012/04/13/friday-fictioneers-3/

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    Replies
    1. T.E. Schoenborn...yes, it was your monster! Can you please that thing on a leash! =)

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  3. That made my stomach churn for their loss. Very intense and accurate, Brooke.

    Thanks for commenting on mine. :)

    Siobhan

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  4. Dear Brooke,

    A parent's nightmare painted well. I hope he's is the tunnel. I didn't figure out how to open manhole covers until I was 13.

    Aloha,

    Doug

    http://ironwoodwind.wordpress.com/2012/04/13/bermuda-triangle-summer/

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  5. Oh no! What could have happened? Or what could have eaten him alive? I can't bear it. Poor woman! To have your little son missing and your husband blaming you (well not in so many words). I know I would just flip!

    A beautiful but harrowing narrative.

    Thank you for stopping by at my place, Brooke.

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    1. Thanks!

      I have experienced the panic of a missing child and the panic of CALL 911, just thankfully not for the same incident or for the same child. (and the lost daughter was found and the wounded son recovered) =)

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  6. Good use of dialogue. Really delineates character while moving the plot along. Here's mine: http://furiousfictions.com.

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    Replies
    1. Thanks for commenting! Yours captured my attention...it will be a great story!

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  7. Well done. Made my stomach churn. I remember the chilling feeling I had when my daughter went missing in a mall. She was under a rack of clothes. Thank God.

    My story, "Shell Shocked" is here: http://www.banterwithbeth.blogspot.com/

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    Replies
    1. I enjoyed your story!

      Thanks for reading mine and commenting. It is horrifying when your child disappears!

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  8. You got it ... perfectly. Still reeling. Great work.

    http://castelsarrasin.wordpress.com/2012/04/13/a-place-to-die-for-friday-fictioneers-13-april-2012/#comment-1199

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  9. i'm imagining that he fell. what were you imagining happened to him?

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  10. In my imagination, Michael was taken into the tunnel by two older boys and beaten; badly beaten. The boys were never caught. In the end, Michael sustains permanent brain damage and his parents' marriage does not survive the tragedy. Michael's mother battled depression for years until the guilt killed her.

    I feel individual interpretation of the reader is a wonderful part of writing. It allows the story to take each reader on a different path. Readers experience different views, understandings, and emotions from the same story. This is the entire concept of my book. To allow readers their own journeys through stories the beg them to offer up their opinion.

    =)

    Thanks for coming by Rich!

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  11. Great job, Brooke. We had a grandson take off once. Fortunately, a neighbor found him wondering down the road and brought him home. I'll never forget the terror and the way your imagination runs wild in such situations.

    thanks for reading mine. Here's the link for others
    http://russellgayer.blogspot.com/

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    1. Thanks Russell for visiting, reading, and commenting!

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  12. Great job! I lost my daughter for maybe only ten minutes at the state fair - ten of the most terrifying moments of my life.

    Susan (here's mine: http://www.susanwenzel.com/)

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    Replies
    1. Thanks for Commenting Susan!

      I enjoyed your story!

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    2. Thank you! I'm glad you stopped by and read it...

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  13. This is realistic and highly charged and you wasted no time getting things underway.

    Here's mine: http://wp.me/p1Tjpv-a5

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    1. Thank you! I am considering writing the rest of the story.

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  14. Much too realistic. Everyday, one reads about children slipping away at the blink of an eye. Some end up miracles; others end up like your story...too scary. Wish you had not given away the final outcome of the story/book and left it to our imaginations instead. Anyhow, nice work. Here's mine:
    www.triplemoonstar.blogspot.com

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    Replies
    1. Thanks for your comments! I appreciate it!

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  15. Well paced dialogue. It really built up the sense of tension and escalating panic. Well done.

    Mine's here
    http://tollykitsjourney.wordpress.com/2012/04/13/flash-fiction-story-1-for-fridayfictioneers/

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    1. Thank you! Dialogue can be tricky sometimes.

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  16. I could really feel the frantic emotion here. The anger and fear are palpable.
    Here's mine : http://createrealitylivelife.wordpress.com/2012/04/13/something-watches/

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    1. Thank you Amanda! I hoped the anger and fear would come through correctly.

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  17. One of the scariest stories I've read yet. Nothing worse than a missing child. Good job.
    Mine: http://shirleymccann.blogspot.com/2012/04/nightmare.html

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    1. Thank you Shirley! You are right, a missing child is the largest fear a parent can face.

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  18. Any parent can easily relate to that sense of panic.

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    1. True, I can't think of a more terrifying thing for a parent.

      Thanks Janet!

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  19. Holy Cats! That story got worse as it went along...

    Made me think of when I 'lost' my daughter at Stinson Beach, or the time she wandered off at the California State Fair. She was good at that... worst nightmare ever when a child is lost.

    Thankfully never ended like your story. That was a scary dialogue.

    Here's mine... http://tedstrutz.com/2012/04/14/100-words-flash-friday-fictioneers-the-underpass/

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    1. Ted - Thanks for stopping by and commenting. I enjoyed your story as well. =)

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  20. Terrifying even if I don't yet know what happened. Anytime a parent is screaming to call 911 over a child is going to be terrifying no matter what.

    Yes, Ted said it -scary dialogue.

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    1. Thank you Madison! I am very thankful to you for hosting this flash fiction challenge. You are creating a circle of friends in the process. =)

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  21. Having raised two kids, this is my worst fear. It is good that he is still alive....great use of the prompt!

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