Friday, April 13, 2012

MICHAEL!!

Friday Fictioneers

Picture Prompt and the story.

Please go to Madison Woods site (she is the hostess of this Flash Fiction exercise) to read her story and the stories others have written.  http://madisonwoods.wordpress.com/flash-fiction/expectations/

Hope you enjoy!!


“I don’t see him anywhere!”
“I thought you were watching him!  Damn it, why weren’t you watching him!  He’s only four!  You never take your eyes off of a four year old!!  Damn it!”
“He was here just a minute ago.”
“I swear!  If someone has kidnapped him!  So help me God!”
“Honey, please...he is here somewhere!  MICHAEL!  MICHAEL!  WHERE ARE YOU!?!”
“Maybe he went in there.  Did you look in there?”
“No!” (Running towards the tunnel by the park benches) “Michael?  Are you in here?  Michael?”
“Is he in there!?!”
“OH MY GOD!!!  CALL 911!!  HURRY!!!  CALL 911 NOW!!!  Baby, can you hear me!?!"


Please comment with your thoughts.

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Thanks for reading and please comment on this story..I want to know 'Whatcha Think'.


UPDATE - I have been working on 'the rest of the story' and have decided it will be included in So, Whatcha Think!

Brooke


41 comments:

  1. UnknownApril 13, 2012 at 10:03 AM

    Being a parent I can empathize strongly with the gut-wrenching terror you portrayed so well in such a short space. Bravo!

    ReplyDelete
  2. T.E.SchoenbornApril 13, 2012 at 10:04 AM

    The greatest fear of every parent. Did the monster in mine eat him?

    Here's mine:http://teschoenborn.com/2012/04/13/friday-fictioneers-3/

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    Replies
    1. UnknownApril 13, 2012 at 11:20 AM

      T.E. Schoenborn...yes, it was your monster! Can you please that thing on a leash! =)

      Delete
  3. Siobhan MuirApril 13, 2012 at 10:11 AM

    That made my stomach churn for their loss. Very intense and accurate, Brooke.

    Thanks for commenting on mine. :)

    Siobhan

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  4. Douglas MacIlroyApril 13, 2012 at 10:30 AM

    Dear Brooke,

    A parent's nightmare painted well. I hope he's is the tunnel. I didn't figure out how to open manhole covers until I was 13.

    Aloha,

    Doug

    http://ironwoodwind.wordpress.com/2012/04/13/bermuda-triangle-summer/

    ReplyDelete
  5. Reading PleasureApril 13, 2012 at 10:30 AM

    Oh no! What could have happened? Or what could have eaten him alive? I can't bear it. Poor woman! To have your little son missing and your husband blaming you (well not in so many words). I know I would just flip!

    A beautiful but harrowing narrative.

    Thank you for stopping by at my place, Brooke.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. UnknownApril 13, 2012 at 11:28 AM

      Thanks!

      I have experienced the panic of a missing child and the panic of CALL 911, just thankfully not for the same incident or for the same child. (and the lost daughter was found and the wounded son recovered) =)

      Delete
  6. Joseph E. LernerApril 13, 2012 at 10:30 AM

    Good use of dialogue. Really delineates character while moving the plot along. Here's mine: http://furiousfictions.com.

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    1. UnknownApril 13, 2012 at 11:32 AM

      Thanks for commenting! Yours captured my attention...it will be a great story!

      Delete
  7. BethApril 13, 2012 at 10:48 AM

    Well done. Made my stomach churn. I remember the chilling feeling I had when my daughter went missing in a mall. She was under a rack of clothes. Thank God.

    My story, "Shell Shocked" is here: http://www.banterwithbeth.blogspot.com/

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    Replies
    1. UnknownApril 13, 2012 at 11:33 AM

      I enjoyed your story!

      Thanks for reading mine and commenting. It is horrifying when your child disappears!

      Delete
  8. Sandra CrookApril 13, 2012 at 11:09 AM

    You got it ... perfectly. Still reeling. Great work.

    http://castelsarrasin.wordpress.com/2012/04/13/a-place-to-die-for-friday-fictioneers-13-april-2012/#comment-1199

    ReplyDelete
  9. richApril 13, 2012 at 11:46 AM

    i'm imagining that he fell. what were you imagining happened to him?

    ReplyDelete
  10. UnknownApril 13, 2012 at 12:04 PM

    In my imagination, Michael was taken into the tunnel by two older boys and beaten; badly beaten. The boys were never caught. In the end, Michael sustains permanent brain damage and his parents' marriage does not survive the tragedy. Michael's mother battled depression for years until the guilt killed her.

    I feel individual interpretation of the reader is a wonderful part of writing. It allows the story to take each reader on a different path. Readers experience different views, understandings, and emotions from the same story. This is the entire concept of my book. To allow readers their own journeys through stories the beg them to offer up their opinion.

    =)

    Thanks for coming by Rich!

    ReplyDelete
  11. RussellApril 13, 2012 at 12:35 PM

    Great job, Brooke. We had a grandson take off once. Fortunately, a neighbor found him wondering down the road and brought him home. I'll never forget the terror and the way your imagination runs wild in such situations.

    thanks for reading mine. Here's the link for others
    http://russellgayer.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. UnknownApril 13, 2012 at 12:57 PM

      Thanks Russell for visiting, reading, and commenting!

      Delete
  12. Susan WenzelApril 13, 2012 at 12:44 PM

    Great job! I lost my daughter for maybe only ten minutes at the state fair - ten of the most terrifying moments of my life.

    Susan (here's mine: http://www.susanwenzel.com/)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. UnknownApril 13, 2012 at 12:58 PM

      Thanks for Commenting Susan!

      I enjoyed your story!

      Delete
    2. Susan WenzelApril 13, 2012 at 6:21 PM

      Thank you! I'm glad you stopped by and read it...

      Delete
  13. writingbothsidesApril 13, 2012 at 7:06 PM

    This is realistic and highly charged and you wasted no time getting things underway.

    Here's mine: http://wp.me/p1Tjpv-a5

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. UnknownApril 16, 2012 at 9:15 AM

      Thank you! I am considering writing the rest of the story.

      Delete
  14. LoraApril 14, 2012 at 1:08 AM

    Much too realistic. Everyday, one reads about children slipping away at the blink of an eye. Some end up miracles; others end up like your story...too scary. Wish you had not given away the final outcome of the story/book and left it to our imaginations instead. Anyhow, nice work. Here's mine:
    www.triplemoonstar.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  15. AnonymousApril 14, 2012 at 8:16 AM

    Well paced dialogue. It really built up the sense of tension and escalating panic. Well done.

    Mine's here
    http://tollykitsjourney.wordpress.com/2012/04/13/flash-fiction-story-1-for-fridayfictioneers/

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. UnknownApril 16, 2012 at 9:16 AM

      Thank you! Dialogue can be tricky sometimes.

      Delete
  16. Amanda GrayApril 14, 2012 at 10:28 AM

    I could really feel the frantic emotion here. The anger and fear are palpable.
    Here's mine : http://createrealitylivelife.wordpress.com/2012/04/13/something-watches/

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    Replies
    1. UnknownApril 16, 2012 at 9:16 AM

      Thank you Amanda! I hoped the anger and fear would come through correctly.

      Delete
  17. ShirleyApril 15, 2012 at 5:21 AM

    One of the scariest stories I've read yet. Nothing worse than a missing child. Good job.
    Mine: http://shirleymccann.blogspot.com/2012/04/nightmare.html

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    1. UnknownApril 16, 2012 at 9:17 AM

      Thank you Shirley! You are right, a missing child is the largest fear a parent can face.

      Delete
  18. JanetApril 16, 2012 at 10:02 AM

    Any parent can easily relate to that sense of panic.

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    Replies
    1. UnknownApril 16, 2012 at 1:46 PM

      True, I can't think of a more terrifying thing for a parent.

      Thanks Janet!

      Delete
  19. tedstrutzApril 16, 2012 at 12:51 PM

    Holy Cats! That story got worse as it went along...

    Made me think of when I 'lost' my daughter at Stinson Beach, or the time she wandered off at the California State Fair. She was good at that... worst nightmare ever when a child is lost.

    Thankfully never ended like your story. That was a scary dialogue.

    Here's mine... http://tedstrutz.com/2012/04/14/100-words-flash-friday-fictioneers-the-underpass/

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    Replies
    1. UnknownApril 16, 2012 at 1:49 PM

      Ted - Thanks for stopping by and commenting. I enjoyed your story as well. =)

      Delete
  20. AnonymousApril 16, 2012 at 1:02 PM

    Terrifying even if I don't yet know what happened. Anytime a parent is screaming to call 911 over a child is going to be terrifying no matter what.

    Yes, Ted said it -scary dialogue.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. UnknownApril 16, 2012 at 1:51 PM

      Thank you Madison! I am very thankful to you for hosting this flash fiction challenge. You are creating a circle of friends in the process. =)

      Delete
  21. Susie LindauApril 16, 2012 at 3:28 PM

    Having raised two kids, this is my worst fear. It is good that he is still alive....great use of the prompt!

    ReplyDelete

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